As you probably noticed, I haven’t posted for a while. I’m not really busy, and I do want to post. I just can’t seem to find anything to post about.

You know, if you look back, you’ll see all my posts have some sort of meaning or life lesson to them. I’ve been really trying to find something meaningful but I just wasn’t successful. It’s like sometimes, no matter how hard I try, I can’t find meaning in anything. Or maybe I’ve been trying too hard to put a meaning on everything I see. I guess sometimes there’s no meaning.

Not just in blogging. I’m talking about life here too.

Maybe it’s just the depression of going to school on Monday, but nothing says ‘Life is meaningless’ than an idle Sunday evening. Nothing is happening. You look out the window every few minutes and it gets darker and darker and you are waiting for something to happen, for someone to say something, but it’s dead silent. And it goes dark, and you spent your day waiting for nothing. That’s when it hits you. Where are we really going? Is there someone up there who knows where we’re going? Did someone build the road for us? Or is life meaningless?  Do we have a destination? Will we reach our destination, ever? What if everyday is a Sunday? Idle, meaningless, and a waste of time.

I don’t know.

I’ll never know.

I always wanted to believe in a predetermined life. If I’m meant to be here, I’ll be here no matter what happens. If I’m not meant to be here, no matter how hard I try, it just wont happen. That would give me some security about the things that happen around me.

But what if I’m on my own? That’s scary.

Also that would mean that I came this far on my own, but still. The possibility of everything crashing down in a blink of an eye is scary. I hope it’s not like that.

I don’t know.

I’ll never know.

Don’t try too hard. You won’t know either. Meaning of life is way beyond our little brains. Or, maybe we can’t really find an answer, because there are none. No meaning whatsoever. I guess after this is all over, we’ll talk about it on the other side.

Cheers,

Arian J. Salari

If it was the summer of 2012, the 16 year old me would be having fun, probably out in the streets, going around with his friends, playing video games all day, could sit and stare at the walls for hours, being stress free & all he’d worry about? Hydration, cause it’d be hot af outside.

a few summers ago…

It is, however, the summer of 2016.

The 20 year old Arian would only describe his summer as hot and stressful. That’s the thing about growing up. Not all the changes are in you. Things around you change too and changes are not always good. A year ago on this day, I was probably trying to win the premier leauge on FIFA 15 with Sheffield Wednesday. 365 days later, I am sitting on my couch trying to figure out; what am I gonna do with my life?

All the things that werent considered my problems a few months ago, are all suddenly my problems today. Loan, money, bank accounts, school, jobs, isnurance, tax, bills, due dates, health, etc. etc.

There is no point in complaining tho, since we all have to transform into adults one day, but just saying, this transformation is real. And it happens in a blink of an eye. And it will hit you so hard, you’ll stay down for a good couple of months.

But of course, this staying down is not permanent. There is a come back for all of us, sooner or later surely. It depends on how we are good at keeping up with the pace of things around us. Once you get used to this pace and intensity, you’re good to go. You know, like that scene in Matrix when after a few minutes of fighting, Neo blocks Agent Smith’s punches with one hand!

I haven’t yet.

Still waiting to get used to it.

But I’ll admit, I accepted it. This is life now. And it will be like this, for a good couple of decades. If I chose this path, I can’t complain.

I suggest you get used to your transformation too. Certainly there’s nothing else you can do about it. Complaining is not an option. Bitching is never a solution.

Stay on top of things 🙂

Cheers,

Arian J. Salari

a year ago on this day, I got accepted to UTM.

I got accepted to a lot of universities after that, like McMaster and York, but I decided to go to UTM. Why did I choose UTM?

If you ask me in person, I might come up with some answers like “yeah the weather is good in Mississauga, the town is small, the community is tighter” but the truth is, I didn’t really have a reason.

I just chose UTM because it was the first university that accepted me and I thought that’s a good sign, and I went with my guts and accepted the offer.

I could never tell you what would’ve happened if I went to McMaster or York or UBC. Maybe things would’ve been better. Maybe things would’ve been worse. I don’t know.

But I can tell you, me going with my guts and choosing UTM turned out to be great. More than fine, to be honest. I won’t go in details about why or how it turned out to be great. You can define great by yourself.

Moral of the story is,

Sometimes, it’s good to go with what you feel like is the right choice. Instincts, guts. Call it whatever you want. But sometimes in life, there’s voice in your head that tells what might be better for you (in an absolutely non-psychotic way, lol). My advice to you for today is, every now and then listen to them and go with your feelings and do whatever you feel is right.

Cheers,

Arian J. Salari

There are three really important things in your life that you should be thankful for; your family, your health & happiness, and your home.

I’ve had a home ever since I was born, meaning that I’ve always had a roof over my head and that’s good. But never really had a place to call ‘home’.

The only place I called ‘home’ banned me from going in it. And if I ever really need to go back, it will be for a limited time and with supervision.

Locked outside of my own home, I’ve been moving around trying to find somewhere else to call home. Truth is, there’s no place like your real home. At least I never really found one.

Just like in real life when you visit someone’s house, you may find it bigger, prettier, with cooler paintings on the wall, and a bigger TV, but once the time goes past 12, you wanna go back and sleep in your own bed.

Just like me. I just wanna sleep in my own bed.

So if you have a home, and by home I mean a place where it’s tension and pollution and noisiness and all the negative aspects of it taste like sugar in your mouth, be thankful. You’re already richer than most people.

Cheers,

Arian J. Salari

So today, exam times technically started. Not for me though. I still have two more days to study for my Chemistry exam. I’ve never been good with Chemistry, cuz I’m more of a bio guy. But this year I’ve maintained a GPA of 4.0 in it, and I think its probably the first time I’ve had a 4.0 in a chem course. So I feel confident about it.

Nevertheless, I love exam times, even though it’s the most hated time of the year. It’s mostly because I get to sit with my friends, and we study together, and we bond. I feel the closest to my friends during this time, cuz like, they help me out, I help them out, There’s a positive energy flowing around.

It’s not just now that I have this feeling. Exam times have always been fun for me. When I was younger, it felt great coming home early from an exam and watch dumb British morning shows. Even thinking about it makes me feel nostalgic. Idk, I never really got anxious about exams.

MISS MARPLE WAS THE BEST!

But university is different.

I feel more anxious.

I feel more in danger of failing.

And of course I doubt myself every now and then.

Being a decent student, Imma let you know I’m totally fine with it.

This is to tell you, University is supposed to be hard. It’s supposed to be like this.

Even the smartest of us will fail one of these days, and its absolutely normal.

We are supposed to, or we won’t learn how to deal with failure ever.

Cheers,

Arian J. Salari